Meet my dedication, inspiration: I literally just want a list of all of the similes Simon Cowell has ever said, so I can just die laughing for 24 hours...
“You actually sing like a train going off the rails.”“It was a bit like watching a ship sink, that audition.”“That sounded like Stevie Wonder with a really bad cold.”“You sounded like Dolly Parton on helium.”“You sounded like Cher after she’s been to the dentist.”“You…